The funny thread

tom2681 · Post by **tom2681** » 24 May 2006, 12:41

Shouldn't have let my cat drink in the river next to the nuclear plant...

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 24 May 2006, 12:43

thelostdragon · Post by **thelostdragon** » 24 May 2006, 15:37

Or maybe it was the mushrooms in the forrest. Let's hope the cat doesn't get to eat a fireflower.

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 24 May 2006, 18:13

LOL!

tom2681 · Post by **tom2681** » 24 May 2006, 18:29

Fire flower ? That was in Super Mario, wasn't it ?

My cats don't play video games. They're professional hackers:

Is it me or does the following picture scream OldBoy ?

tom2681 · Post by **tom2681** » 25 May 2006, 15:26

It's good... It's bad... It's worse.

(Prodigal Son)
It's good: Your name is Lam Ching-Ying, you're an undefeated master of Wing Chun. A guy challenges you.
It's bad: The guy is a bald manchu.
It's worse: His assistants look like Dick Wei and Chung Fat.

(Sammo Hung movies)
It's good: You're a very sexy woman with strong martial arts skills, and your producer says you're going to be the main villain in a movie.
It's bad: You'll be fighting against Sammo Hung.
It's worse: The director is Sammo Hung.

(Stephen Chow)
It's good: You've just signed on for a cameo in a movie.
It's bad: They've given you a fake moustache, a ton of make-up and dressed you like a girl.
It's worse: You're in a Stephen Chow movie.

BiscLimpkit · Post by **BiscLimpkit** » 26 May 2006, 16:41

Where do cows eat their food?
In the calf-eteria.

BiscLimpkit · Post by **BiscLimpkit** » 26 May 2006, 16:46

Why are pirates scary?

Because they just 'argrrrr'

BiscLimpkit · Post by **BiscLimpkit** » 26 May 2006, 17:08

Once there was a man that had survived a terrible plane crash and was lost in
a forest. He had no idea where he was or which way to go. He wandered for days
and survived on berries and twigs. He was way too slow to catch any kind of
animal and couldn't even start a fire. He should have joined the boy scouts
when he was young. After two weeks of wandering he found a thin, but three
story house with smoke coming out of the chimney. Without hesitation he
knocked on the door. A little man answered the door. He had a long white beard
that hung almost to the floor.

Please sir, I need some food and shelter. Said the young man.

This I will give you but you must promise not to fool with my lovely daughter.
The old man said.

Thank you and I wouldn't think of messing with your daughter.

For if you do I will inflict the three most gruesome Chinese torture tests
that have ever been devised. The man, too weak, agreed, not thinking that any
woman could arouse him in his weak state. After a shower and some sleep the man
came down to eat. A grand dinner was set up and the man sat to eat. The old
man's daughter entered the room and to great surprise of the young man, she
was most beautiful. So beautiful that the man could hardly tear his eyes away
from her during the meal.

Later that night the man crept into the girl's room to take one last look at
her for he had promised to leave early the next morning with a map the old man
gave him. When he opened the door he saw that the girl was awake and to his
surprise she ushered him in. Well, being stuck in a forest with just your
father doesn't surpress all urges, so one thing lead to another. They were as
quiet as possible not to wake the old man. After a few hours (OH WOW) the man
crept to his room thinking that any torture would be worth what he had just
done. He fell asleep thinking of her.

Early in the morning he got up and felt an enormous pain on his chest. It was a
rock with a sign on it that said: 1st Chinese torture, 100 pound rock on chest !

Well, this wasn't hardly what the man thought would rate as torture and threw
the rock out the window. As he did this he saw a second sign just outside the
window that said: 2nd Chinese torture, Left testicle tied to 100 pound rock !

The man jumped out of the window without hestitation knowing a 3 story drop
would be far better than what was in store for him.

As he fell to the ground he saw a large sign on the ground. It said: 3rd
Chinese torture, right testicle tied to bed post !

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 26 May 2006, 18:41

LMAO!!

EvaUnit02 · Post by **EvaUnit02** » 27 May 2006, 10:58

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 27 May 2006, 11:03

I don't get it.

EvaUnit02 · Post by **EvaUnit02** » 27 May 2006, 18:12

It's from a manga, I highly doubt that you'd want to see the rest of it.

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 28 May 2006, 04:04

I'm sure your right.

BiscLimpkit · Post by **BiscLimpkit** » 28 May 2006, 09:22

Which Manga is that Eva?

EvaUnit02 · Post by **EvaUnit02** » 28 May 2006, 12:22

BiscLimpkit wrote:Which Manga is that Eva?

A doujinshi of Yaitake Japan. Believe me, you don't want to read it.

thelostdragon · Post by **thelostdragon** » 28 May 2006, 12:31

Why post a scan then?

EvaUnit02 · Post by **EvaUnit02** » 28 May 2006, 12:36

Anyone remember the coming-of-age cartoon Doug?

Doug does Sin City.

EvaUnit02 · Post by **EvaUnit02** » 28 May 2006, 12:40

thelostdragon wrote:Why post a scan then?

For I am the Lord that healeth thee.

BiscLimpkit · Post by **BiscLimpkit** » 28 May 2006, 12:43

Those Doug sketches are class.

EvaUnit02 wrote: A doujinshi of Yaitake Japan. Believe me, you don't want to read it.

The more you're telling me I don't want to read it, the more curious I get. It's in our nature to do things others tell us not to do (to an extent anyway).

Hope it's not hentai...

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 28 May 2006, 12:49

I remember Doug, but not from those strips.

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 28 May 2006, 15:49

Doug who?

I don't get the humour.

Oh, well.

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 28 May 2006, 16:27

Doug was a 90's kid's cartoon IIRC.

WORLD CUP HUMOR

Interesting BBC Guidlines for England Commentators
BBC World Cup Guidelines for commentary team.

1 -Within 1 minute of kick off in the opening match (Germany v Costa Rica), the commentator must mention England.

2 - Regardless of what two teams are contesting the final, England have to be mentioned within the first minute.

3 - The commentator shall refer to the Falkland Isles in passing at some point in the match if England play Argentina.

4 - Whenever a hat trick is scored, comparisons with Geoff Hurst will be made within seconds of the third goal hitting the net.

5 - Should England wear their red jerseys, then '1966' should be mentioned approximately 20 times.

6 - 1966 will be mentioned approximately 10 times a match, or only on 4 or 5 occasions for matches not involving England.

7 - Prior to the captain of the winning team lifting the trophy, the commentator will mention Bobby Moore. And 1966.

8 - When Germany are playing, they must be referred to as being arrogant by the commentator on at least 14 occasions. This must refer to their style, their passing, their haircuts and their general footballing ability.

9 - Should England play Germany, mentions of Winston Churchill, Dambusters, The Luftwaffe and Adolf Hitler will be compulsory. And 1966.

10 - All Scottish members of our commentary team must continue to refer to England as "we" and "us".

11 - We must ensure that nationlistic stereotypes are adhered to. Of course, the Germans are arrogant. The Spanish are bottlers, The Ivory Coast are fast but bad at defending, The Angolans are disorganised, The Argentinians are cheats and the French are only good because their best players play in England.

12 - For matches not involving England, we must only discuss the players that are playing in England. (eg - Holland v Argentina should be referred to as Van Nistelroy v Crespo).

13 - The mythical "bulldog spirit" phrase should be used as often as possible.

14 - Each match involving England should begin with the phrase "England Expects."

15 - Should any player be involved in an injury that involves the loss of teeth, then references to Nobby Stiles and 1966 are compulsory.

16 - If in doubt, mention 1966.

17 - Praise all of the stunning new stadiums in Germany but emphasise that they lack the presence of Wembley, the spiritual home of football since 1966.

18 - Commentators should feel free to imitate the style of Kenneth Wolstenholme, the hero of 1966.

19 - Should any team feature brothers playing together, then Jackie and Bobby Charlton should be mentioned.

20 - When England bow out after the first stage, we must emphasise that it is a massive blow to football and a serious loss to the World Cup.

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 28 May 2006, 18:32

I think a Scot must've written that.

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 28 May 2006, 18:58

Possibly