The funny thread

Literally. Unless it Should Go Elsewhere
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Yi-Long
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Post by Yi-Long »

Markgway wrote:
A list of Scotland's contributions to the world:

adhesive postage stamps, anaesthetics, antisepsis, artificial diamonds, reaping machine, Bank of England, latent heat, Brownian movement, Buicks, chemical bonds, penicillin, the decimal point, documentary films, Encyclopedia Britannica, engineering sciences, fax machines, first cloned mammal, flailing machines, geosciences, golf, historical novels, hypodermic syringes, Kelvin scale, percussion powder, logarithms,
Maxwell's equations, marmalade, mackintosh raincoats, macadamized roads, microwave ovens, colloid chemistry, breech-loading rifle, tubular steel, quinine Sociology, pneumatic tyres, pink bathtubs, hollow pipe drainage, Peter Pan, radar, paleobiology, polarization, cure for scurvy, King Arthur, Halloween, refrigerators, Neptune, bakelite, iron bridges, solitons, the steam engine, telephones, thermos flasks/dewars, the telegraph, television, the stereotype, sulphuric acid, the steam-hammer, cure for insomnia, paraffin, Sherlock Holmes, Toad of Toad Hall, Long John Silver, Jekyll and Hyde, Auld Lang Syne, Whisky, US Navy, Chilean Navy, Economics, Cloud Chamber......................
You forgot shitty football, child abuse, and ugly women.


Anyway, Scottland has given us Sean Connery and Billy Connolly... so I'll call it even...
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I was there, the big BNB blackout of november, 2008. We lost many that day...
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bradavon
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Post by bradavon »

Kurgan wrote:Dave rings his boss at work one day to say, "Look, I'm really sorry, but I can't make it into work. I'm sick." "Sick?" yells his boss. "Sick?! This is the twelfth time this month, Dave. Just how sick are you?" "Well," replies Dave. "I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."

:oops: :D
Markgway wrote:Brad is not gonna like that one, Kurgan.
Why would I in particular be offended by this? Not that I get it anyway.
Markgway wrote:
Shen wrote:one doesnt know if there is or isnt an afterlife, you cant say that LD is wrong.
You've just agreed with me. :D
For Christ's sake Mark members have asked nicely if you can stop this flame war and stop ruining a thread but you had to continue didn't you. There's nothing wrong with going off topic but when it starts to piss more than a few members off it's time to stop.

I wasn't going to bother but to keep try and put this thread on track I'll have to exorcise the crud.

FYI In future so this kind of crap doesn't happen again everyone is free to PM me or Mordib. Like I said earlier going completely off topic for 2-3 pages is OVER THE TOP!
Last edited by bradavon on 08 Jun 2006, 15:56, edited 1 time in total.
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Markgway
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Post by Markgway »

Yi-Long wrote:You forgot shitty football
True. But good individual players like Law and Dalglish.
child abuse
What???
and ugly women
You know, I thought this would be untrue, but I couldn't find a single image to argue against. If anyone can find a pic of a beautiful Scottish woman please post as I'd like to see it.
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Markgway
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Post by Markgway »

bradavon wrote:Why would I in particular be offended by this? Not that I get it anyway.
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Maybe if you "got" it you would be offended? Aren't you the one who harangued LD for a mild incest joke?
For Christ's sake Mark members have asked nicely if you can stop this flame war and stop ruining a thread but you had to continue didn't you.
As long as members keep posting here... I'll post back. Why didn't you warn Shen? Delete all the relevant posts if you want to now there's another thread.
I wasn't going to bother but to keep try and put this thread on track I'll have to exorcise the crud.
No, you can leave your own posts.
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bradavon
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Post by bradavon »

Markgway wrote:Maybe if you "got" it you would be offended? Aren't you the one who harangued LD for a mild incest joke?
I might have, I might not. It depends if I found it offensive.
Markgway wrote:Why didn't you warn Shen? Delete all the relevant posts if you want to now there's another thread.
Just quickly as these particularly warrant a reply.

Shen from having to wade through each relevant post was asking for the discussion to stop not making it worse. I may have missed the odd post though. You and LD were having a heated debate which is fine but a new topic should've been started, after it had gone past the "common sense off topic limit".

The point being when members are asking for the thread to go back on topic and have had enough you should know it's time to stop (you're not the only member), this thread in particular is unsuitable.

Who would've been the first person to bitch if I had deleted your post citing censorship? (You). Besides I don't want to delete users posts and anyway there is no batch deletion AFAIK.
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Shen
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Post by Shen »

uh i posted that some pages back mark...

but anyway...
annoying asians 1
easy way to cheat on exams
Real life Mario Bros

some for tom:
dancing kitty
head banging cat
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Markgway
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Post by Markgway »

bradavon wrote:Shen from having to wade through each relevant post was asking for the discussion to stop not making it worse.
I'd say she was 'contributing' more than 'helping'.
You and LD were having a heated debate which is fine but a new topic should've been started, after it had gone past the "common sense off topic limit".
That's fair. You should probably have done this sooner as we can't move threads ourselves.
The point being when members are asking for the thread to go back on topic and have had enough you should know it's time to stop (you're not the only member), this thread in particular is unsuitable.
Posts are often made in quick succession and pile up more than you realise.
Who would've been the first person to bitch if I had deleted your post citing censorship? (You). Besides I don't want to delete users posts and anyway there is no batch deletion AFAIK.
Movement is fine, better than deletion I agree.
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Markgway
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Post by Markgway »

This one was funny. We've all known teachers/examiners like this.

easy way to cheat on exams

Clever and imaginative.

Real life Mario Bros
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BiscLimpkit
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Post by BiscLimpkit »

Markgway wrote:
and ugly women
You know, I thought this would be untrue, but I couldn't find a single image to argue against. If anyone can find a pic of a beautiful Scottish woman please post as I'd like to see it.
I think this is true actually. Scottish birds are generally fat with unusually pale complexion (probably from lack of sun). Thing is, they're not shy of showing off their flabby tummies with their teenie weenie crop-tops.

Ok so I've been out and seen some women make the effort to look/dress reasonably. However, many of them weren't even Scottish.
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Markgway
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Post by Markgway »

BiscLimpkit wrote:Thing is, they're not shy of showing off their flabby tummies with their teenie weenie crop-tops.
So they do that up north too? Christ, you see flabby-bellied teenage girls waddling around malls (usually with a chav boyfriend and buggy) completely oblivious as to how awful they look. You do see some hot chicks now and again (and my standards aren't too rigid as I try to find a positive in most - even if it's just a nice smile) but I couldn't find any pics to post here. I think it'll be a challenge.
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Shen
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Post by Shen »

hehe thats not just scotland :D gangs of chav teenagers pushing thier buggies along, babies dressed in burburry, etc. etc. and of course the people who really cant full of the short shirt and tops, man its worse when you see a 18st 40yr old woman wearing a mini skirt and boobtube...really worse....

the thing that makes me laugh tho is that these girls wear really short skirts then walk round trying to pull them down so they cover their ass lol i never really got the prupose of this lol
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Markgway
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Post by Markgway »

For Bisc:

Took me a while but I found this Scottish girl who gave me a stiffy.

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BiscLimpkit
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Post by BiscLimpkit »

Typical Scottish bird?

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Markgway
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Post by Markgway »

Who says Chavs aren't gorgeous?

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BiscLimpkit
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Post by BiscLimpkit »

Haha who is she Mark? (Not the chav obviously) I found some as well:

Kirsty Hume (supermodel):

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Gail Porter (or whatever her last name is now):

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Gail obviously does not look like that anymore...
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Markgway
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Post by Markgway »

WARNING: This image will make you go blind.









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Is that the world's biggest vagina or just another fold in her belly? :D
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Markgway
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Post by Markgway »

BiscLimpkit wrote:Haha who is she Mark? (Not the chav obviously)
No idea, mate. Just found the picture whilst googling. It was a one-off.

Same with the Chav girl (like anyone cares).

Kirsty Hume/ Gail Porter -- not my cuppa really.
Gail obviously does not look like that anymore...
No, but she has put a brave face on her condition.
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Kurgan
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Post by Kurgan »

That picture is easily more offensive than anything I've ever posted.

I don't even want to contemplate the answer to your question. Just... ugh.
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BiscLimpkit
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Post by BiscLimpkit »

Markgway wrote: Kirsty Hume/ Gail Porter -- not my cuppa really.
Aye same, but it's the best I could do. Guess it kinda underlines what everyone thinks of Scottish women. :?
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bradavon
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Post by bradavon »

I remember when Gail's ass was plastered all over a MASSIVE billboard in London for the cover of FHM. Those were the days :D

She was lovely in her day (probably still is).
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Markgway
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Post by Markgway »

3 guys, 1 Irish, 1 English and 1 Scotch[Scots], are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.
The Irish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity."
So, with a blink of the Genie's eye "AlKaZoom" the oceans were teaming with fish.
The English guy was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that nothing will get in for all eternity.
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye "AlkaZoom - POOF" there was a huge wall around England. The Scot asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."
The Scot says, "Ach, fill it up with water."

More here... http://www.humorsphere.com/humor/scottish_jokes.htm
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Markgway
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Post by Markgway »

I searched and searched but had no luck in finding the cutest Scottish pussy... until.......................................................










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BiscLimpkit
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Post by BiscLimpkit »

Nice one Mark. :D
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Kurgan
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Post by Kurgan »

That's a damn shame...
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Post by thelostdragon »

thelostdragon wrote:LOL! Check out this guy riding in a bus in HK. This just can't be fake. Love it. Class.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsYRQkmV ... us%20uncle
Irate HK man unlikely Web hero

By Marianne Bray - CNN

HONG KONG, China (CNN) -- Hong Kong's new hero is under pressure these days. And he's also in hospital after three people beat him up at the job he had just started.

Roger Chan, otherwise known as "Bus Uncle," burrowed his way into the city's psyche a month ago after he ranted for six minutes at a passenger who tapped him on the shoulder asking him to talk more quietly on his phone.

The late-night tirade became a cult hit when a passenger across the aisle taped it on his phone and the video wound up on YouTube.com, a new and massive Web phenomenon that tells users to "broadcast yourself."

"I face pressure. You face pressure. Why do you provoke me?" Chan yelled at 23-year-old Elvis Ho that April night. He was seen leaning over the top of his seat on the top level of the double-decker bus, his finger just inches away from the young man's nose.

Ho, a real estate agent, addressed the man as uncle, a sign of respect for older people in Hong Kong.

The encounter, which takes some unexpected turns and features some profane language, became the most viewed video on YouTube.com in May, with nearly three million people flocking to see the original and its incarnations, like the Karaoke version, the rap remix and the dance and disco take.

The Internet propelled the 51-year-old unemployed Chan to an online celebrity status, and local reporters soon caught on, chasing him down and making him front page fodder in a city known for its reserve.

Now Chan is rarely seen without an entourage. A business sells T-shirts and handbags. "Bus Uncle" Web sites have emerged, while there is an entry on the online encyclopedia Wikipedia. His words on pressure have become an oft-repeated catchphrase in this teeming city.

Perhaps what is most surprising is how popular "Bus Uncle" has become. Local commentators say the man who lives with five cats and has made a bid to become chief executive of Hong Kong in the past became a hero because of a confluence of events.

The Internet has created unlimited space for ordinary Hong Kongers to have their say, says pop culture and Internet expert Anthony Fung, giving them the power to generate news that used to focus only on top officials and the elite.

"People used to be consumers of the media, but when we have the Internet, people don't just consume, they also produce," Fung says.

"Bus Uncle" is also seen as real, strong and honest, using language close to the heart of Hong Kong people and catching the collective emotional pulse in a city where people live cheek to jowl, and don't generally socialize with strangers or say how they feel, local experts say.

"He is not pretending to be someone great," says Fung, who says Hong Kong's youth can't find heroes in the textbooks they read. "But he is expressing the true feelings of ordinary people."

Chan's phrases reflect the pressure that comes from living in a city where 6.9 million people are squeezed into 1,104 square kilometers (426 square miles) of land. In its most densely populated parts -- like the old airport area of Kwun Tong -- as many as 50,820 live in one square kilometer.

And while the former British colony is widely touted as being the luxury car capital and has some of the world's most expensive real estate, most people work 47 hours a week, earning an average wage of just HK$10,470 (US$1,348) a month.

"Hong Kong people work very hard to earn a living although the big companies make a lot of money," Fung says.

Families live in high-rise apartments of between 30-50 square meters (322 to 538 square feet), where there are no backyards. And pressure simmers just below the surface in this commercial center where time is seen as money.

"The reason I swear, there's something hidden inside, some pressure," Chan told CNN of his encounter on bus 68X heading towards Yuen Long.

He is not alone. One in every 50 people in major Chinese cities suffer from intermittent explosive disorder, says professor Sing Lee, director of the Hong Kong Mood Disorders Center. The affliction is commonly called "road rage" in the United States. (Full story)

Medicine can control such outbursts, Lee says, but people need to seek anger management.

Before he was admitted to a hospital, Chan told CNN that people should be honest to themselves.

"If you angry, you angry. If you talk, you talk. If you fight, you fight," says Chan.

But such words and his rapid rise to infamy may have come to haunt Hong Kong's newest celebrity. He is still recovering in hospital.

http://edition.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/asiap ... index.html
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