Bullets 'n' Babes

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Deadpool pwns Kitty Pryde Street Fighter style.

I'm sitting quietly at my computer reading posts on BnB, when I hear my girlfriend calling:

" - Thomas, come and help me ! My pussy's all wet ! "

My favourite kind of emergency...
I remove my trousers and underwear, and rush downstairs.

She takes a look at my dangling penis and goes:

" - What the hell is this ?! "
" - Hey, come on. I'm sure it's big enough to solve any of your pussy-related problems. "

Then she laughed so hard... she was almost rolling on the floor. That's when I realized she was holding a very wet kitten in a towel.
Stupid cat had fallen into the pond when he tried to catch a fish.

Damn...

Except you probably said it in French.

Lost: The Final Episode!

http://forum.dvdtalk.com/showthread.php ... ost7603150

I thought this was pretty funny.

not bad, not bad

That's a bit risky.

I mean if a child or idiot got hold of that they might take it literally.

Mickey Mouse is talking to his lawyer: "But Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she's got big teeth. That'll never work in court!"
Mickey shouts, "I didn't say she has big teeth, I said she's FUCKING GOOFY!"

Well, it made me laugh

A young man named Gordon bought a donkey from an old farmer for £100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day, but when the farmer drove up he said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news ... the donkey is on my truck, but unfortunately he's dead".

Gordon replied, "Well then, just give me my money back".

The farmer said, "I can't do that, because I've spent it already".

Gordon said, "OK then, well just unload the donkey anyway".

The farmer asked, "What are you going to do with him?"

Gordon answered, "I'm going to raffle him off".

To which the farmer exclaimed, "Surely you can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

But Gordon, with a wicked smile on his face said, "Of course I can, you watch me. I just won't bother to tell anybody that it's dead".

A month later the farmer met Gordon and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

Gordon said, "I raffled it off, sold 500 tickets at two pounds apiece, and made a huge, fat profit!"

Totally amazed, the farmer asked, "Didn't anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?"

To which Gordon replied, "The only guy who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner when he came to claim his prize. So I gave him his £2 ticket money back plus an extra £200, which as you know is double the going rate for a donkey, so he thought I was a great guy!"

Gordon grew up and eventually became the Chancellor of the Exchequer. No matter how many times he lied or how much money he stole from the British voters, as long as he gave them back some of the stolen money, most of them thought he was a great guy.

The moral of this story is that if you think Gordon is about to play fair and do something for the everyday people of this country for once in his miserable, lying life, think again.

You'll be better off flogging a dead donkey.

Just watching The Simpsons now The main plot is about Lisa schooling Cleetus's kids.
Having recently seen it, I got The Sound of Music gag When Skinner and Chalmers do the musical number "How Do We Stop a Blabbermouth Like Lisa?" (To the tune of "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?")
There's one to the tune of "My Favourite Things" as well

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

Do you remember when I met you and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies.

The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car, making love?" "Yes, I remember" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues... "Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'" "I remember that too" she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says..."I would have gotten out today

you guys gotta listen to this:

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fu ... ID=4583766

Listen to "voice-mail" in his player...oh god so funny.

Grim has made at least 16 posts in this thread which only consist of smilies.

EvaUnit02 wrote:Grim has made at least 16 posts in this thread which only consist of smilies.

Ehmmm... pretty much 40-50% of all of Grim's posts consists only of a smiley... didnt you know?
He's just doing his part in saving the environment, 1 keystroke at a time.

( )

So what if most of my posts here are smileys? It's the funny thread, no?

Well, a lot of it is true.

An eskimo's car breaks down and an Aberdonian comes over to help. He examines under the bonnet and says "You've blown a seal."

"So what?" the eskimo responds, "you fuck sheep!"