Bullets 'n' Babes

thanks

the worst thing is, that im not even that upset...and it feels awful....i never thought death was anythign bad, or fearful, i feel awful around my mom cuz she is devastated and in tears all the time, i mean i loved my aunt to bits but i just cant show the emotion that they all want. its weird...

Shen wrote:thanks

the worst thing is, that im not even that upset...and it feels awful....i never thought death was anythign bad, or fearful, i feel awful around my mom cuz she is devastated and in tears all the time, i mean i loved my aunt to bits but i just cant show the emotion that they all want. its weird...

My condolences too Shen. I was the same when my grandmother (whom I was close to) died and prior when my uncle died of cancer.

Ow, thats normal, especially when it's very old people.
When my grandpa died, and he had been having very bad health for over a year, due to a fire in his house, so he was shattered and destroyed and just a broken man, ofcourse I'm a bit sad that he's gone, but he's an old man and things like that happen. I was always very sad when i went to see him and he was in this way. Now that he was gone, finally found rest, I felt sad that he never got out of it, and I felt sad for my grandma, but personally I could deal with it, as you're already a bit prepared for it.

Same thing goes for when my grandma died. She had been sick for a long time, and it was just her time. We had a few nice talks in the hospital, I got to know her better (seemed like a very smart and sweet grandma with a good sense of humour, and I felt sad that because of the rift with my dad, I hadnt been to my grandma more often...)
But again, not a great great sadness, apart from on the funeral, which is always a bit awkward.

Now, when the father of some friends of my suddenly died of a brain-attack, THAT's when I felt really sad. Cause it just wasnt his time yet. He had been working tremendously hard all his life to give his family the best life possible, and now he was nearing the age that he could start thinking about stoppoing, and this shit happened. he was dead within a week, leaving a shattered family. That really made me sad.The fact that he never got to enjoy those days after working all his life, and I felt very sad for his kids and wife.

And on the funeral (last year) of a girl I knew and liked a lot, I just cried when someone asked me how I was. She had been such a great great girl, heart of pure gold, great brains, nice humour, a lil bit insecure but beautifull... and everything in her life seemed to be going great (great family, she now was done studying and had just opened her own dentist-practice), and suddenly they discover cancer in the brain, and everything falls apart.
Those deaths leave a much bigger impact on people then when old people die. Because with old people you know there's always that possibilitie, so sub-conciously you are already a bit prepared for it. But when people die way before their time due to an accident, stroke, cancer whatever... I feel it's harder to cope with. Too abrubt, unprepared.

Obviously, that's not to say that i dont miss my grandfather and grandma... but I have enough memories of them to keep them in my heart. But with the others you feel: there should have been so much more memories.

When my granddad died, first I felt really sad, then I just felt numb

yeah its sorta like that yi, but even when my friend (and old teacher) died suddenly last year, i was upset but still not devasated by it, it was a shock but i still couldnt be like everyone else crying and sniffling, i must appear so hard hearted lol. but death has just never bothered me, rather always fascinated me, (not in an obsessive way), i just never saw it as something bad, i never cried at my grandmothers either thinking back to it. peopel see them as "gone" i never do, and never have seen anyone as suddenly ceasing to exist, because they are always alive in a persons memories. i guess that helps with me not feeling much towards it, its just weird that they arent physically here anymore.

the only deaths i fear the most are of my parents, particularly my dads.

but it just feels so damn awkward when people are in bits and crying floods of tears and your just stood there like lol really weird and you feel like you must appear so hard and uncaring lol

I have to say I'm scared of dying

Condoléances, Shen.

BTW: everybody has his own way of showing emotion. Some people cry, some people just look sad. There's nothing wrong with not being able to cry.
(I've had plenty of reasons to cry in my life, and yet I've only cried twice).

grim_tales wrote:I have to say I'm scared of dying

I think I'm only scared of dying in a painful way. Like dying due to the pain. I think everything else is just about ok to me.

I've only cried at that friend's funeral, probably because someone asked me how I was and it just came out...

I was never scared of dying myself, and I miss that feeling of not caring. It really has you walking without worries when death is always 'a way out' when things would become too bad.

Now that I have a girlfriend, who is very attached to me (5 and a half years together, best friends) I'm very scared of dying. Not because of myself cause I honestly dont give a shit, but mostly about the pain and distress it would cause her.
I'd never want to have her feel that way.

Yi-Long wrote:Now that I have a girlfriend, who is very attached to me (5 and a half years together, best friends) I'm very scared of dying. Not because of myself cause I honestly dont give a shit, but mostly about the pain and distress it would cause her.
I'd never want to have her feel that way.

You think that's bad, just wait until you have kids that completely depend on you, too. THAT is when death becomes frightening.

the68monkey wrote:

Yi-Long wrote:Now that I have a girlfriend, who is very attached to me (5 and a half years together, best friends) I'm very scared of dying. Not because of myself cause I honestly dont give a shit, but mostly about the pain and distress it would cause her.
I'd never want to have her feel that way.

You think that's bad, just wait until you have kids that completely depend on you, too. THAT is when death becomes frightening.

I bet it is. I'm doing ok now, but I can clearly remember when I was pretty close to ending it all... and even though I didnt mind it back then (it wa squite a relaxing thought that if things really got to hard for me to cope with, I could just 'quit'), I'd hate to have that feeling while knowing you just CANT do it...
It no longer is a possibility anymore. Whereas before, it was an option. Now that option is gone, and that's distressing abit, and scary, cause now you will have to worry about stuff, like the future and money and all that crap.
Not being affraid of dying is wonderfull. Now you have people that care and would get hurt... and so it becomes much much harder to think about it.

I did see a Japanese/Chinese girl in the seat next to me on the bus a few days ago (when going into town). She really was rather cute

Uhm... you should have made sure that you'll see her again.

Oh well.
All she did was sit down and make a phonecall, since I don't understand Cantonese (?) a non starter.

Whenever I meet an Asian person for the first time I always boast with the bit of Japanese/Korean/Cantonese I have learnt from the movies or the bit of Mandarin I have studied or the bit of Thai I know from my best friend. Well, always depending from which country the person is of course.

Back when I first met Xiao-Qing, my chinese girlfriend (about 6 months ago: wow, I just realized I'm in a long-term relationship ), I remember I tried speaking cantonese.
Of course, she replied she only spoke mandarin.

Apart from: "Good calligraphy, good swordplay" (-Hero), I don't know much mandarin.

I only know a few words of Mandarin
From my friends Liang-Liang/Yi Jing:

Nihao
Nihao Ma
Zai Jian



Even Lin spoke basic Cantonese/Mandarin (IIRC).

Today I bought a ticket for the Ghibli Museum in Tokyo.

It's reserved for 14th October 2006 (which is on a Saturday).

It has my name on it so I can't flog it on ebay.

Now I need to watch some Ghibli movies.

Wow, are you going to Japan? How fantastic! I hear the Ghibli Museum has a special film called Mei and the Kitten Bus. You MUST see this if you go.

You ARE going, aren't you?

Haha yeah. I'm not a nutter. I leave on 11th October for Tokyo. Spend a few nights here and there, gate crash a few weddings (like in that film with Owen Wilson) and pay a visit to the Ghibli Museum. You need to book it like weeks in advance to gaurentee admision. I'll think of you when I'm there, because I don't know of a bigger Ghibli fan than yourself.

the68monkey wrote:You ARE going, aren't you?

Nah, I'm sure he bought that ticket with his name on it in order to frame it and put it on his wall over his Ghibli DVD collection.

Just got my admission pass to the Ghibli Museum. Now I need to find a decent frame and a nice spot to hang it in my room...

Ahah! I knew you'd slip up sooner or later Bisc! What a waste of a ticket. Why buy it if you're not going? Honestly...

Goddamn... woke up this morning, and I can now only half-open my left eye. I'm guessing I got bit by a musquito or something... fuckers.

Woke up during the night as well due to a burning itch on both my cheeks as well as my arms.

Normally, I pretty much never get bitten by mosquito's or whatever, so this one must have a different taste for blood...

Ah well... now I've got a big fat eye. I feel like Quasimodo now...

Yi-Long wrote:Ah well... now I've got a big fat eye. I feel like Quasimodo now...

Ouch, he really pwned you.