The funny thread

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 05 Jun 2006, 03:26

Aww, don't be like that.

the68monkey · Post by **the68monkey** » 05 Jun 2006, 03:42

Kurgan wrote:Only before I get parental consent, as it were. All the parents on the board have to tell me that they will skip past the gag. I'd rather them not think worse than they already do of me

How could I possibly think worse of you, Kurgan?

j/k

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 05 Jun 2006, 12:42

You'd better be joking!

And there's a major typo of my own. "Only before I get parental consent..." Tch. What's the point of that then? Clearly, it should've been "Only after..." or "Not before...", but my brain seemed to mash the two together.
I put that down to it being a 3.00 in the morning post.

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 06 Jun 2006, 00:35

OK, against my better judgement, I'll put the joke up, except in spoiler-tastic form, so any that don't wish to be offended don't have to read this bile.

Two pregnant ladies are sat in the doctor's surgery, waiting to be called in for a check-up. Both are knitting cardigans, when one turns to the other and says, "Do you know what you're having?" The other replies, "No, although I hope I have I boy. I've only got blue wool." The first replies in turn, "Well, I hope my kid's disabled, cos I've really fucked up on these arms!"

I know. I'm a bad, bad man. But I can't help the fact that I found this funny. There's something wrong with me.

Yi-Long · Post by **Yi-Long** » 06 Jun 2006, 00:49

I didnt find it all that shocking or disturbing to be honest

Not really all that funny either, but I wouldnt lose any sleep over it

the68monkey · Post by **the68monkey** » 06 Jun 2006, 01:23

Kurgan wrote:I know. I'm a bad, bad man. But I can't help the fact that I found this funny. There's something wrong with me.

I chuckled, too.

My college buddy's mom would most definitely not find humor in this, though. She was superstitious in that way, thinking it was bad luck to give baby gifts before the baby was born and such. To her, a joke like this would be inviting something to go wrong with your own kid.

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 06 Jun 2006, 02:25

the68monkey wrote:I chuckled, too.

Ahh, good. It's not just me

Yi-Long · Post by **Yi-Long** » 06 Jun 2006, 06:48

the68monkey wrote:
Kurgan wrote:I know. I'm a bad, bad man. But I can't help the fact that I found this funny. There's something wrong with me.
I chuckled, too.

My college buddy's mom would most definitely not find humor in this, though. She was superstitious in that way, thinking it was bad luck to give baby gifts before the baby was born and such. To her, a joke like this would be inviting something to go wrong with your own kid.

Was she jewish? Cause I know jewish people have that superstition about not buying stuff for a still=to-be-born baby...
My girlfriend, who is chinese, also wouldnt like that kind of humour. When I make a joke about dying or whatever, she always gets mad at me...

Shen · Post by **Shen** » 06 Jun 2006, 23:02

screaming asian guy

LOL! why no-one punched this guy i dunno...

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 06 Jun 2006, 23:46

Shen wrote:LOL! why no-one punched this guy i dunno...

That guy in the pachinko parlour collapsing had me in stitches!

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 07 Jun 2006, 00:11

Shen wrote:screaming asian guy

I laughed in spite of myself. I hate hidden camera shows. The Japanese are really good natured about the whole thing. I think in parts of Scotland that would get you killed.

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 07 Jun 2006, 02:17

I've got to say that over the course of the past few messages, this thread's losing its claim to be funny.
And you thought my jokes were bad

thelostdragon · Post by **thelostdragon** » 07 Jun 2006, 08:35

Why? Mark made that kung-fu-flick joke.

EvaUnit02 · Post by **EvaUnit02** » 07 Jun 2006, 12:42

An article containing anecdotes of mostly retail workers dealing with arsehole customers.
http://www.somethingawful.com/index.php?a=3853

Here's a sample:-

I used to work at airport customer services, and I can tell you that there are very few places you can find more angry, stressed and tired people than at international airports. I would have a lot of stories, but I like to reminisce one special occasion.

It was a saturday in february 2005, one of the busiest weekends of the year because of the national winter holiday was around that time. I was pulling a double shift, a bit tired but all in all in a good mood since everything was going smoothly, except for a group of Russian tourists with a delayed connection flight to Moscow. It was a group of some 30 people, with only four guys who spoke any English, and even they couldn't quite understand what I was saying. They had been bugging me every ten minutes for hour:

- When does Moscow go?
- I don't know, sir. Your aeroplane is late from the previous route and at this point I can't give you an estimate. I will inform you personally when we have an estimation, please sit down for now.
- But we need to go Moscow!

This conversation with minimal variations took place a few times, and when we found out that the plane was going to be pretty badly late, we gave them a bunch of refreshment vouchers. That kept them happy for half an hour, and after that they were back time and time again. And again. And again. The good Russian gentlemen reeked distinctly of sweat and vodka after a long flight, so needless to say, I wasn't amused to have to deal with them after 13 hours of work on a busy day.

And that's when the shit hits the fan. Now, I was working at a customer service counter that was in front of a huge window giving out on the runway. Something goes wrong with the defrosting car and it crashes into a wing of a Boeing 737-500, causing the end of the wing to rip off on the car, and the whole shebang starts smoking. Afterwards we found out that it was just burning gasoline, but from our point of view it looked like the plane was on fire. We run to close the vertical blinds on the window and not too many people see the incident, but the ones who do are alarmed and start harassing us immediately.

In that very moment, when we try to explain the event to a bunch of customers, two of the Russians who have been sitting further away in the terminal show up, pretty drunk at this point, loudly demanding my attention. I ask what's the problem:

- When does Moscow go?

At this point I just snap. I can't bear to explain them the exact same thing for the jillionth time, so I decide it's time for some radical action. I walk the gentlemen to the window, proudly pull open the curtains to the runway with two firetrucks and a smoking plane and with the biggest grin of my life I exclaim:

- I'm sorry, sir, but your plane seems to be on fire. We will tell you as soon as it's ready to depart.

My co-worked burst out laughing like crazy, but the crowd around us wasn't exactly impressed. I got pulled off the shift and a month's probation. Definitely worth it, though.

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 07 Jun 2006, 16:14

From that somethingawful site Eva linked:

I'm really coming off as someone with bad taste in this thread, aren't I?

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 07 Jun 2006, 16:16

Something we can all be happy about - drug humour

EvaUnit02 · Post by **EvaUnit02** » 07 Jun 2006, 16:35

Kurgan wrote:I'm really coming off as someone with bad taste in this thread, aren't I?

Nah, un-PC humour all the way. Just ignore the prudes.

EvaUnit02 · Post by **EvaUnit02** » 07 Jun 2006, 17:07

Mark & LD, please let this thread be funny again.

https://www.bulletsnbabesdvd.com/forums/ ... 0379#40379

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 07 Jun 2006, 17:57

Kurgan wrote:I'm really coming off as someone with bad taste in this thread, aren't I?

Yes, because that poster makes fun of a specific true tragedy. It's telling that you posted this without hesitation but balked over a generalised pregnancy joke.

Mark & LD, please let this thread be funny again.

If you stopped posting that would help.

Shen · Post by **Shen** » 07 Jun 2006, 18:21

now back on topic

Road Trip Prank

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 07 Jun 2006, 18:36

Markgway wrote:Yes, because that poster makes fun of a specific true tragedy. It's telling that you posted this without hesitation but balked over a generalised pregnancy joke.

Telling only in that I didn't want it known that I have bad taste in jokes. I went with the poster because it is now common knowledge

Shen wrote:Road Trip Prank

I've seen that before, but it doesn't make it less funny. The guy almost wets himself

bradavon · Post by **bradavon** » 07 Jun 2006, 21:35

EvaUnit02 wrote:Mark & LD, please let this thread be funny again.

https://www.bulletsnbabesdvd.com/forums/ ... 0379#40379

Seriously Mark and LD please continue discussion in Eva's thread (moved to correct forum).

3 Pages of ranting/discussion (you pick) in a thread about jokes is enough.

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 08 Jun 2006, 00:20

Someone I've started watching a lot more of is Dave Chappelle. This is one of many clips that can be found on YouTube.

thelostdragon · Post by **thelostdragon** » 08 Jun 2006, 14:38

LOL!

As Kurgan's joke wasn't really offending, I decided to post one. Beware:

Question: What does a woman do with a blank sheet of paper?

Answer: She looks at her rights.

:mrgreen:

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 08 Jun 2006, 15:19

Well, as long as we're into BAD TASTE jokes... you'll LOVE these:

Q: What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing, yet.

Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A: You only have to teach them to take off.

Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo?
A: B-52...F-16...B-1...

Q: What is Iraq's national bird?
A: Duck

Q: Whats the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile?
A: Aeroflot has killed more people.

Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see their Air Force.

Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving?
A: Turkey.

Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
A: They both have Kurds in their Whey.

Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!

Q: What is the best Iraqi job?
A: Foreign Ambassador

Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They can't turn them on anyway.

http://usmilitary.about.com/library/mil ... qjokes.htm